expectations

it's the new disease.

wherever i go, whatever i do- i cannot but have expectations of people's reactions, people's actions, just... people.

you know when a movie's gotten bad reviews and you have low expectations when u go see it..
well, people aren't movies. :) haha

i'm an eternal optimist: i always hope for the best in people.
even people with bad reps.. people who have bothered the hell outta me - i like to pretend we never knew each other and start all over once in a while.
people tell me this is a good quality to have, and yes, other people possibly benefit from this quality of mine, but it seems to me that i usually end up getting hurt by it.

honesty, love, and self-sacrifice are (to me) some of the most important qualities of true friendship. and whenever i get really close to someone, i expect these qualities from them. i expect an open heart, an open mind, and willingness to go out of the way to show that they care.
what are friends for, anyway??
i think the lack of such friends is a reason why a lot of girls always have this uncurable desire for a boyfriend.

cuz you can depend on your boyfriend to come over/stay on the phone with you til you fall asleep if you are feeling sick late at night
cuz with your boyfriend, you never need a reason to just hang out
cuz your boyfriend will always be there for you and you both will work hard to make the relationship work..
cuz he is yours.. and you are his.

you know what?
friendships should be like that. friends should invest in each other: take ownership of each other
friends should never have to "catch up" on things because it's been so long since they talked
friends [who go to the same school as you!] should never have to depend on AIM to talk

i can't say that i've been the greatest friend to my friends.. but i try- i try harder and harder everyday.
but it really discourages me that i can't find a friend. one single friend. who i know will stand by me when rough times come.
cuz rough times will soon come.. as october comes..

a guy once told me that girls go through friends like they go through tissues
haha..
i wouldn't go so far as to say that.. but i wouldn't completely deny it either..

song of the moment: tony rich project - nobody knows it but me

what a dreary day...

NOT a good day.
just have to remember God is always with me. always with me. always with me.

wow- i just remembered something that really hit me when i heard it:

we act as if we have control of our lives. as if we could count our days.
but we can't!!
so many things could end it right now
we pretend like like we have any say in what happens to us
stop pretending..
and trust in Him

song of the moment: beatles - let it be

so very tired..

it's gotten so bad that it's not just being sleepy.. its bodily fatigue.
1 hr naps turn into 3-4 hr naps..
which lead to lack of sleep during the nights
which lead to late nights, and early mornings.. and more naps during the day
it's a vicious cycle!!

on a brighter note..

i was on the radio today!!!

kalx 90.7 - the UCB radio station!! website: kalx.berkeley.edu
hmm, not quite DJing it yet, just writing and reading news, weather, traffic etc etc.
it's so fun!! just knowing that ppl out there are listening to you makes waking up at 6am to get to the studio worth it. well.. almost worth it :)

hopefully i can survive 6 months and become a real DJ -

oh! new cool band discovery: typical cats
they're hip hop and spoken word and all that good stuff~ plus..
dennis kim is in it!! the poet!! the korean poet!!
i should do some research and find more korean artists out there :) hehe

ok. time to go

countdown: 5 days down, 25 more days to go..

song of the moment: belle and sebastian - what happened then

featuring my new favorite author/poet- shel silverstein

somebody has to
somebody has to go polish the stars,
they're looking a little bit dull.
somebody has to go polish the stars,
for the eagles and starlings and gulls
have been complaining they're tarnished and worn,
they say they want new ones we cannot afford.
so please get your rags
and your polishing jars,
somebody has to go polish the stars.

i wish i could somehow turn back time and go back to childhood...
or at least go back to high school
i miss home..

this weekend started out good.. ended up kindof blah. BLAH.

why do we stray from simplicity? why do we have a need to complicate things with detail and make things more "exciting"?

why do we depend on ppl for comfort, for happiness?
why do we gamble our hearts and lives for uncertain + changing things when we have a constant and faithful God?

je ne sais pas...

song of the moment: coldplay - in my place

day #1..

day #1 of what? day #1 of my AIM fast!! yes.. that's right. you will no longer be seeing j e n n 637 on your buddy list. well, for a month at least :)
what prompted my decision?
janet..

that girl is crazy. boy fast for 100 days?? crazy.. but i really think this will be good for the both of us.

fasting things that cause us to stray - that makes us lose our focus on our priorities - its a good thing. really
its all about self-control babyy!!!

u know what.
today's been a GREAT day. everything's been in sync
and everything fits, everything flows, everything seems to make sense.
it's one of those days where you feel so good that you match your pace to the beat of the music you are listening to. i felt so goofy doing it but nobody could tell! :)

it might just seem so to me cuz i didn't have to study at all today - today is my "me" day... even tho i didn't wake up early enough to do some of the "me" things i planned out for myself..still it was good

woke up late- went to a kalx meeting late- went to post office to pick up a very late package (my-lan had sent it to me from washington as my finals care package for summer school!)- finally made copies of my chem notes for erika- walked through sproul and got good charlotte(!) and howie day sampler CDs..
darn. i shoulda stopped and talked to the ppl who were handing them out. good charlotte is only my *most favorite punk band in the world*!!

must go to amoeba..

then went to class- to work.. and learned "ni ka bu ka e gai wuh chai mein" [can i have some chow mein?] haha.

after work, i finally got a planner so i can be more organized with my time..

and even little things happened that reminded me of how great this day was.
example 1: i was craving sweets, and in my-lan's care package was (surprise) ghiradelli chocolate! mmmmm. and...
example 2: after being surprised, i walked to the bus station and the #51 bus showed up RIGHT when i got there!
example 3: and when i was walking to hearst mining circle to catch the H shuttle to get to work, i thought i'd miss it cuz it was already 2:15 and i wasn't quite there..but the bus lady was chatting so even tho it was like 2:18 she was still there and i got to work on time!

great day, i tell you.

and so many opportunities are opening up to me that i'm starting to think that it was good that the whole pre-med sorority thing didn't work out.. wow i'm so growned up :)

thank you, God, for so many blessings

song of the moment: good charlotte - the young and the hopeless

a new discovery!!

hYo BiN (2:59:47 AM): that's why you don't grow
hYo BiN (2:59:50 AM): because you don't sleep
j e n n 637 (3:00:02 AM): oh is that why!
j e n n 637 (3:00:04 AM): no wonder!

dank IM91 (4:48:45 PM): they're not thugs
dank IM91 (4:48:54 PM): i could have half of them crying in 5 minutes
j e n n 637 (4:49:02 PM): hahahaha
j e n n 637 (4:49:07 PM): i would like to see that :-)
dank IM91 (4:49:22 PM): so would i....
dank IM91 (4:49:23 PM): grrrrrrr

cccuuuutttee!! mr. nice

hi, my name is mister nice-
as you can see, i don't have any arms or legs
but that doesn't stop me from dancing, now, does it?

hahahaha

funny frenzz~ ;D

kiSmiT 3k (15:49:46): yeah i'm making my roommates dinner
kiSmiT 3k (15:49:48): aren't i so cute

song of the moment: john mayer - the great indoors

doo i sense a little.. jealousy??
it's so hard.. having all these boys fighting over me left and right (wink wink)

ALEXsHYUN (1:49:15 AM): haha...who's the boy?
ALEXsHYUN (1:49:17 AM): is he hot?
ALEXsHYUN (1:49:22 AM): hotter than me?
ALEXsHYUN (1:49:25 AM): pssshhh..i think not

ack! webmonkey isn't working so i can't get a special intro color!

baad week. finally over. whew

last week, time seemed to be my enemy..
i'd ask time to stop so that i could breathe, but it kept right on going-

suffocating

even in my dreams i was trying escape from things that wanted to hold me down and suffocate me

but its over. finally.

today was a day that was very opposite from yesterday..
yesterday: eat, be idle, eat, no focus on studies, gain weight :P
today: church, eat, costco trip, eat, library (focus on studies), burn what i ate :)

jeremy and mike and charles were up from agoura this weekend. i just loove friends from back home..
they're so comfortable. they'll be the closest to home i can get til.. thanksgiving.

it was soo funny how much they like I.B. Hoagies [a philly cheesesteak place]
whenever it came around food-time:
me: so what do u guys wanna eat?
them: HOAGIES!

haha. boys will be boys :)

its interesting how much ppl change, yet they stay the same.
jeremy was our #1 runner on the x-c team.. he was sooooo fast. 16:02 3-mile race. DANG.. and yesterday he told me that he only ran twice last year.. but still the same ole jeremy
and mike.. beneath the dyed hair- he's still mikey.. still the big brother i never had..
aww i miss them now! (a tear)

well.. i would write more.. but gotta bug the neighbors and get me some soojaebi gook!!

song of the moment: puddle of mudd - blurry

remembering 9-11...
got this from amazon.com

I've learned—that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them. The people that worked in the World Trade Center maybe did not get the chance to say goodbye to their wives, husbands, children, and other family members. This is why I kiss my mother goodbye everyday before I leave my home.

Written by Stephanie, an 8th grader from the Bronx.

song of the moment: the beatles - all you need is love

just saw one hour photo with janice, erin, and stephen

u kno those kinda movies where at the end, u think the movie was totally pointless and yur all bitter..

but then after thinking and talking a while you understand it and you're like.. "woah..."

ya. mm hhmm. that was it
but i'm still a lil bitter :)

hahahahahaahahahahahaha

b o y 52 (9:00:08 PM): k..just dont tell anyone about my obsession with you
j e n n 637 (9:00:26 PM): haha
b o y 52 (9:00:34 PM): *rowr*
j e n n 637 (9:01:46 PM): huh? wats rowr?
b o y 52 (9:01:49 PM): i am so tired
b o y 52 (9:01:53 PM): rowr?
b o y 52 (9:01:54 PM): its a sound
b o y 52 (9:01:58 PM): um..like a cat makes
b o y 52 (9:02:02 PM): seductively
b o y 52 (9:02:05 PM): yanno?
j e n n 637 (9:02:06 PM): hahahaha
b o y 52 (9:02:13 PM): roR
b o y 52 (9:02:15 PM): roWr
j e n n 637 (9:02:28 PM): hahahahaha

transform.. not conform

today's been a day of thinking

just finally realizing things i've been blinding myself to..
like...
realizing that i'm waay behind in classes when i finally went to the library to study

realizing that i'm no longer a freshman and i no longer live in unit 3
i took a goood look at unit 3 on my way back from the library and i was sooo filled with nostalgia.
stupid flashbacks.
i've been getting a lot of those lately- some good, some bad..

realizing that i must learn to stand on my own two feet sometimes

realizing that surrounding myself with ppl won't solve my problems

song of the moment: jay chou - tornado

u kno when you're all leisurely spending your day..

then all of the sudden 10 million things come up and u have to/want to do all of em?
it's that feeling i had as a freshman..
and it came back!!

yay!!!

it's so nice to have that busy butterfly feeling :)

ok. something scary happened today.. ya. crazy super ambitious ppl clad in "casual business" attire..
the career fair
me, in my tank top and white skirt, surrounded by these ppl in suits and heels.
it totally freaked me out. haha :)

it freaked me out that these ppl actually came to the career fair to get recruited to these companies while clueless me went to get some "free stuff"

these ppl are going out there.. catching their dream. and i just have no idea

focus jenn.. u really have to make this happen.

song of the moment: incubus - warning